My Crazy Complicated Life

Long time no talk!

I really try to keep it as positive as possible on this blog, but I’m just in a ranting mood.  I am kind of dealing with a lot of anxiety right now.  My friendships are becoming overly complicated, school is totally sucky and I honestly have no idea but I want to do with my life.  Two weeks ago I decided to quit dancing.  It was honestly the hardest thing I have ever done.  After a endless amount of tears, I am now trying to finally accept the fact that I made the right decision.  It was just so hard to quit something that I loved, but I know that my current love for yoga was more real and important (I am just re-reading this now and it literally sounds like Romeo and Juliet).  I just couldn’t handle the pressure of dancing- my teachers constantly told us that we weren’t good enough, that we were not good enough to compete.  After a while, all the negativity really started to get to me and I started to believe that it was the truth.  But it wasn’t.  Never let people tell you that your not good enough, because you are.  Everyone is good enough, actually we are all better then good. A huge kiddos to all those dedicated, hard-working dancers out there, you keep pursuing your passion and train hard (and don’t listen to everything that your teachers say, you all amazing, unique dancers no matter if you can do a perfect fouetté turn or not).

My friendships are now becoming so complicated, I feel as though my head is constantly spinning.  Trying to balance my new friends with my old friends is REALLY hard.  I feel that some of my older friends and I have just drifted apart, so now it’s really awkward to hang out with them.  It’s not that I don’t like them anymore but we just don’t connect or have really anything in common, I don’t really know why we even became friends in the first place.  My new friends are wonderful, but it’s hard to get used to a group of brand new humans.  There is this one girl who is kind of in our squad but kind of not and for some reason, she seems to hate me.  I was never, ever mean to her but she probably feels as though I am replacing her (which I am NOT).  But I know that I can’t let her get in the way of my amazing new group of friends who treat me like family.

And then there’s school.  It’s not that I have this deep hatred of school in general, I just very strongly dislike my freaking french teacher.  He literally make my want to stick paper clips into my eyeballs.  He is not even qualified to teach french!  Anyways, I don’t want to write too much about him because if I start ranting about him, I will never stop.  Everything else about school is pretty great.  I am now finally starting to warm up to my drama class, which makes class a lot more enjoyable and gym is pretty fun!

I am also really craving an adventure.  I want to just hop onto a flight and just go somewhere different (preferably Europe) and not come back until I have figured out what I want to do with the next four years of my life.  Do I want to still dance? Pursue yoga as more then just a hobby?  Train to get involved in cross-country running?  I have so many choices to make and not enough time.

Thank you very much for letting me rant, I feel a lot better.  Here are some words of wisdom.

Love,

Em